


Waiting

by miikasaa



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-01
Updated: 2014-07-09
Packaged: 2018-02-03 01:17:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1725863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miikasaa/pseuds/miikasaa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a recent expedition, Jean is left unconscious due to heavy injuries, and Eren is left to grieve and contemplate all he could have done differently to keep Jean from getting hurt, and how much he wants to hold Jean in his arms again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Regret

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to Kim, ryukox on tumblr.

By the time he was twenty-three, Eren Jaeger thought he had experienced every type of pain imaginable.

He watched his mother die at the tender age of ten, he became a monster and listened to several people try to justify his execution. He witnessed countless deaths of his comrades and close friends on the battlefields, of his mentors and squad leaders as they fell prey to the Titans.

Eren’s limbs had been cut off and fused to his titan body more times than he could count. His face nearly always melted off after transforming, he broke several bones broken during battle, and his skin pulled back together painfully as he healed each act was more terrible than the last.

It had all been excruciating. He thought he couldn’t experience anything more painful than his arms being sliced away from his second skin, but he was so, so wrong.  
This pain didn’t cause injury to his body, but it tore apart his heart and threatened his mind every time he thought of the cause.

“Eren.” The titan-shifter slowly turned his head and was met with the sight of Mikasa standing just a few feet away from where he sat. She closed the distance with a hand held up in front of her, gently walking to him. She’d been very gentle around him lately, they all had, as if afraid he would snap with the weight of recent events.

He hated it.

When he didn’t respond, the young woman tried again. “He’s stable.” Ah, that’s right. Jean had been unconscious before undergoing a surgery that lasted for the past three days. Guess he wasn’t bordering on the edge of life anymore. “But he hasn’t woken up.” Eren cursed his luck.

Eren had been denied access to see him during the surgery, leading to an embarrassing scene where Mikasa dragged him away from the infirmary as he spewed insults at the medics, and ended when he’d cried himself to exhaustion in her arms. She and Armin stayed with him that entire night.

Maybe now that he was stable they would let him in. but the thought of seeing Jean, pale and bloodied and weak sent a wave of fresh nausea coursing through his stomach.

Mikasa heaved a sigh, grabbing his arm and nearly yanking him to his feet. It was the roughest anyone had been with him for three days, and also the fastest he had moved.

“Let’s go,” She declared, all but dragging him away from the tree that had previously provided him with shade. “We have a squad to train.”

With Mikasa’s insistence, Eren was placed on her squad when she was promoted to Captain. She said it was to keep an eye on him, and while that was definitely the case, it went unsaid that the military still didn’t trust him enough to lead soldiers himself. He’d been shifting and working with the Survey Corps for almost eight years and they still thought he would go rouge and kill his team.

“Mikasa-” He groaned, voice hoarse from lack of use. He tried to wiggle his hand from her grasp but dammit she was still stronger than him.

She threw him a tense glance over her shoulder. “Eren,” her voice was much more forceful than a few moments ago. “It will be good for you.”

She didn’t mention his lack of activity since the Survey Corps returned from their latest expedition outside the walls, or how his eating habits had deteriorated, or the fact that he had skipped training with the squad each day and couldn’t sleep through the night, and for that he was grateful.

Her team was waiting in a small field outside of the main Survey Corps headquarters, leaning against trees and conversing easily, even laughing quietly. Eren was suddenly overcome with an intense anger, a desire to yell and fight them because their Commander just got out of surgery and they had the nerve to be happy.

Mikasa must have sense the change in his emotions, or at least felt his hand tense up, because she squeezed his wrist harshly, calming his budding anger.

“Oi,” She called to her squad, a trait she’d inherited from her predecessor, and immediately they all turned to her, ready for orders and attention completely undivided. Her squad was young, each soldier only a few years older than the age to enlist in the Survey Corps, but they had been hand picked by Mikasa and Armin- they were the elite of the Corps.

Mikasa nodded back towards Eren after they came to a stop in front of the five soldiers. “Eren’s going to lead the drills for today. Squad Leader Arlert and I have paperwork we need to attend to about the expedition before the inner walls get angry.”

Right, Eren thought bitterly, Military procedure doesn’t stop even when the fucking Commander is unconscious.

“I’ll be back soon.” Eren watched with the rest of her squad as Mikasa made her way back to the castle. Armin was probably holed up in his office, pouring over paperwork and how exactly to word the letter that would tell their superiors that the mission had failed- again.

Eren sighed, crossing his arms over his chest and facing the five soldiers. They eyed him warily, as if unsure if he could really take over training for the day, and again the shifter felt a rage boiling under his skin.

An hour later, the elite of the Corps were ready to drop to the ground, utterly exhausted from Eren’s training regiment. However, he called out another order, and the soldiers quickly began a two-kilometer run around the castle.

When they returned he called for another sparring session, ignoring the complaints they voiced.

“Even Captain Ackerman, the Captain, isn’t this bad,” One girl with cropped blonde hair muttered to the tall redhead boy next to her. “This thing with the Commander must really be getting to him.”

Eren tensed and stalked forward, gripping her shoulders none too gently. He whipped her around, the intensity of his gaze rendering her silent. “What did you just say?” Eren didn’t know what he had planned to do, but in that moment the bottled up anger he’d been feeling since their return needed an outlet. He squeezed her shoulder even harder, ignoring her gasp and the order from one boy to “go get the Captain!”

He was just thinking that maybe this could be a source of relief from his pain when something slammed into his side, knocking him to the ground. Eren rolled onto his back, groaning at a spot on his shoulder that he knew would bruise, before looking up into Mikasa’s heated glared.

“What the hell are you doing?” She growled, a hand on his chest to keep him down.

“She- she said… about Jean-”

Mikasa took his forearm to bring him back to his feet, and despite his height advantage over her, the look in her eyes made him feel incredibly small. “I don’t care what she said. You do not take your anger out on your squad mates, or anyone else for that matter.” She sighed aggressively, raking a hand through her dark hair. “Go see Armin. I’ll meet you guys for dinner later.”

Eren nodded. He sneaked a glance at the blonde girl on his way back to the castle, breathing in relief when he saw she was okay. He had let his anger over the situation with Jean cloud his judgment. He almost hurt a squad mate- a friend.

He needed to get a hold of his emotions.

—-

Eren knocked quickly on the large door, the sound echoing through the empty hall. Armin’s office was in a pretty secluded part of the castle- not too far from the Commander and Captain’s offices, but far enough away to avoid the bustle of the soldiers.

“Come in.” He pushed open the door, offering his blonde friend a faint smile. Armin grinned, dropping formalities as he said, “Hey, Eren. Didn’t expect to see you around here.” The shifter shrugged, trying to think of an excuse to give as he used the toe of his boot to shut the office door. However, Armin already seemed to pick up on why his best friend was there. “Did Mikasa send you?”

Eren sighed, ungracefully flopping in a chair across from Armin’s desk. “Yeah,” he breathed, glancing out the windows. He could see Mikasa dismissing her squad after no doubt trying to explain his actions. “There was an incident with the squad. She’s mad at me.”

“I’m not surprised.” Armin neatly pushed a stack of papers to the corner of his desk; ignoring the glare Eren sent his way, he continued, “You have been acting irrationally the past few days.”

“Have not,” Eren huffed childishly.

Armin’s gaze was suddenly somber as he linked his hands beneath his chin. ”You’ve skipped almost every meal, you barely train anymore, you’re more prone to outbursts, and I can hear you pacing the halls in the middle of the night.”

“Okay, okay I get it.” Eren muttered, looking away.

“Eren,” Armin sighed, prompting the brunette to look back at his childhood friend. “I know you’re upset about what happened to Jean, but he’s going to be okay. You don’t have to beat yourself up over this.”

“I did this to him, Armin.” His voice broke, and the young man took a deep breath before continuing, “It’s my fault he’s like this.”

“Alive?” A new voice asked.

Eren turned in his chair, watching as Mikasa quietly closed the door behind her. She was carrying three trays, but he didn’t think he could stomach any food at the moment, especially with where their conversation was headed.

There was a short pause as Armin helped her lay the trays out on his desk before she settled into a chair of her own.

When he realized they weren’t going to say anything else unless he continued, (probably in an effort not to set him off again), Eren took a deep breath, accepting the roll his sister held out.

“Hurt.” Eren’s voice was barely a whisper.

“Eren,” Armin spoke, but the brunette kept his gaze firmly planted on the ground. “If you hadn’t acted-”

“If I hadn’t acted Jean wouldn’t be unconscious with a broken leg, wrist, three broken ribs, and bordering on death!” He surged to his feet angrily, closing a fist over the bread and breathing heavily. It was his fault.

What if Jean never woke up again? Armin would be promoted to Commander, the Survey Corps would still function, they would go on more expeditions, test more Titans, and continue as if nothing had happened.

Eren, however, would never forgive himself if Jean died. He would never see Jean’s smile again, never wake up to Jean’s arms wrapped around him, holding him close. Never kiss him again, run his hands through the taller man’s hair, throw his feet in Jean’s lap when the Commander had paperwork he needed to do…

Armin looked like he was trying his hardest to stay patient, while Mikasa just looked exasperated, taking his hand and forcing him back into his seat. “That Titan was about to eat him, Eren.” The blonde continued. “Without killing it, Jean wouldn’t be recovering in the infirmary. He would be dead.”

“I know that, just, ugh!” And he did know it. He’d saved Jean’s life in the field that day, but he’d also been the cause of the other man’s injuries. If he’d only been a little faster, a little more cautious, then maybe the sandy haired male wouldn’t be so hurt.

“Remember when you saved me from the Titan that ate Aunt Carla?” Mikasa suddenly asked, staring over at him with a heavy expression. “My ribs were broken, but not once did you regret carrying me away.”

“This is different, Mikasa! I wasn’t the one that caused that injury!”

Armin replied, “It’s almost the same, Eren. Is it better for Jean to be recovering from a broken leg, or thrown up in a ball of limbs by that Titan?”

Eren felt sick. Leave it to Armin to never outgrow his ability to vocalize the worst situations possible.

“I guess you’re right,” Eren murmured slowly, hanging his head.

A soft touch on his shoulder made him look up. Mikasa had moved her chair much closer to his, and she gave him a soft look as she said, “Jean’s alive. You saved him. That’s not a luxury many people have. Most people in our line of work watch their loves get eaten, not saved. You did the right thing, Eren, even if Jean’s suffering from a few injuries.”

“You don’t have to shoulder all of that blame, Eren. It’s unnecessary.” Armin said. For a few moments the trio didn’t speak, instead picking at their meals in wake of the silence.

Eren didn’t eat, his thoughts were too consumed by the way Jean’s arm looked unnaturally bent beneath his body, of the bone poking out of his leg, of the way he gripped his chest while he lay bleeding into the earth.

“Have you visited him in the infirmary?” Armin asked quietly after a few more minutes. “Why not?” He continued when the brunette shook his head.

“I don’t- “ He took a deep breath. “I don’t want to see what I did to him.”

Mikasa squeezed his shoulder again. “Don’t forget, Eren, you saved his life. I think visiting him would be good for you.”

Eren finally ripped a piece of his bread off, stuffing it in his mouth as he contemplated what Mikasa said. On one had, he didn’t want to be reminded of the scene from the battlefield, but on the other hand he missed Jean like crazy.

“I’ll think about it,” Eren finally whispered, and the conversation shifted to topics of paperwork and the other military branches and far, far away from Jean’s injuries.

—-

Late that night, Eren stood in front of the door to the infirmary, hands shoved deep into his pockets as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

It had been hours since the soldiers retired for the night, and the shifter knew that there were no more medics left in the room, but that in a few hours the night shift medics would do a quick check on each of the patients. It was an opportune time to do as Mikasa suggested earlier that evening.

After taking another moment to collect his resolve, Eren pushed open the door, cringing when it groaned loudly.

Jean’s bed was in the back corner of the room, curtains drawn around it to keep away unwanted eyes. If there were other injured people at that time, it would be used to keep the Commander’s condition out of their sight to keep them from worrying.

Eren walked quickly to the man’s bed, pulling up a chair and sitting at the head of the bed. He sat heavily, resting his elbows on his knees and his chin in his hands, feeling his heart break all over again as he assessed Jean’s condition.

His broken leg was wrapped securely in a cast, elevated from the bed in a sling that Hanji had designed some years ago. His wrist was also wrapped, resting over his chest, rising and falling in tune with his breathing. Eren couldn’t see it under Jean’s shirt, but he knew there were bandages surrounding his chest from where his ribs had broken in his fall. Even his head was wrapped in white, the man’s sandy hair falling limply over the bandages.

He had done this to Jean; to the man he’d been dating for almost two years. Another wave of self-loathing rose in his chest, but Eren quickly squashed it by remembering his earlier conversation with Armin and Mikasa.

Jean was hurt, but he was alive. He wasn’t Titan food. A broken leg could be healed, but a death could not.

Eren leaned forward, pushing Jean’s hair away from his eyes, unsure of what to do. Should he apologize? Part of him wanted to yell, to beg the man to wake up, but he knew it wouldn’t do any good. Like the medics told Mikasa earlier that day, Jean was stable; now it was up to him when he would wake.

Suddenly overcome with the image of Jean never waking again, Eren stood. He couldn’t stay any longer or he’d just relive that day over and over again, but with a morbid ending for his love.

The shifter gently touched Jean’s cheek, smoothing his thumb over the rough skin, of the skin he’d touched countless times before. Eren closed the distance between them, pressing his lips to Jean’s forehead, resting his own against it after a few seconds.

“Please,” he whispered, brokenly. “Please come back to me.”

He left then, taking care to shut the door quietly before hurrying back down the hall, trying in vain to hold back the onslaught of tears.

—-

Four days later, Eren was helping Armin conduct a few experiments on their most recently captured Titan. The blonde wasn’t as energetic about it as Hanji had been, but Eren could see the way his face lit up every time he found new information.

Eren had managed to keep a tight lid on his anger after visiting Jean in the infirmary, the memory of his conversation with his best friends also keeping him grounded. He’d trained with Mikasa and the squad every day since then, even thrown himself completely into helping Armin plan their next expedition. His eating habits hadn’t exactly improved, but he made a point to eat in front of his friends, if only to keep them from nagging.

After Armin felt he collected enough data for the day, the two of them started back towards the castle, to deal with a new letter from the Military Police, once again calling for Eren’s extermination, especially in light of their recent failure.

“Where’s Mikasa?” Armin asked as they passed her empty office on the way to his.

“Dunno,” Eren replied, shrugging as he held the door to Armin’s office open. “Maybe she got caught up with the new recruits.”

Armin hummed, dropping into his seat and scanning his eyes over the letter in hand, “Maybe.”

Eren kicked his feet onto Armin’s desk; leaning back in his chair and grinning at the look the blonde sent his way. “What’s their reasoning this time?”

The Squad Leader chuckled, letting the letter fall back to the surface of the desk. “They’re saying because you shifted a record of four times on this one mission, despite having the freedom to shift as many times as necessary, you’re a threat and should be stopped. Apparently to them, using your power as much as you can means you’re going rogue.”

Eren laughed along with his friend, both falling silent after a moment as Armin began writing a counter letter, one that was probably filled with enough reasoning to keep the MP’s off their backs for at least the next expedition.

“We might have a better shot at this with fewer people next time,” Armin said offhandedly as he wrote.

“The expedition?” Eren perked up. They’d finally gotten a lead on the village where Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt had been from, but their first attempt at getting there had resulted in, well, in their Commander falling out of commission.

The blonde nodded, eyes still focused on his letter. “It might be easier to get around the Titans if there’s fewer people. That wa-”

He never finished his thought because at that moment the door to his office swung open. Eren was ready to snap at the idiotic cadet that had forgotten all about formalities, but he lost his voice when he saw who it was.

Mikasa stood in the doorway, her eyes jumping from Eren to Armin every other second. She was breathing heavily, as if she had run all the way to her destination, and judging by the wild state of her hair, that was exactly what she had done.

“Eren-”

“Mikasa?” Armin stood from his desk, his brows furrowed. “What happened? Why are you out of breath?”

She ignored him, and Eren had a daunting feeling that he knew exactly two possibilities for why she was here. And he knew exactly whom it was about.

Eren stood slowly, his eyes widening as she nodded in confirmation.

“Eren. He’s awake.” Her lips quickly spread into a huge smile. “Jean’s awake.”

He ran from the room in record time.

——-


	2. Union

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean finally wakes from his injury- induced sleep, and Eren couldn't be happier about it.

_Eren sank into the chair next to Jean’s, letting out a sigh before shoving his feet onto the other man’s lap. Jean immediately raised the papers he’d been holding there, throwing a glare Eren’s way._

_“So,” the brunette began, a shit-eating grin lighting his face as he purposefully dug his heels into Jean’s crotch. The taller boy sighed in defeat, placing the documents onto his desk and finally meeting Eren’s gaze for the first time since he’d entered the office. “How’s it feel to be commander?”_

_Jean dropped his eyes, a small smile pulling at his lips as he absentmindedly ran his hand over the bolo tie that now adorned his neck. Erwin’s death had been an unforeseen event on the last expedition, and though the blonde leader had named Jean his successor long before, Eren knew the young man had been scared shitless during the previous night’s ceremony. And was currently still scared shitless._

_Eren pressed his heel into the other man’s lap again, effectively gaining his attention. Jean sighed, his smile all but disappearing. “It’s terrifying,” he admitted, running a hand through his hair. “I have to have another expedition ready by the end of the month or the King will have my head. Not to mention I have to fill those leadership positions that are now available.” Neither man mentioned exactly how those positions opened up._

_“Hey.” Jean dropped his gaze back to the documents in hand, tapping a finger lightly against his lower lip. Eren tried again. “Hey, horse face.”_

_Jean scowled at the old nickname from their trainee days, but didn’t respond further._

_Eren hooked his heels onto Jean’s thigh, pulling his chair closer to the taller man’s. He stood up and leaned over Jean’s arm, reading over the document that technically he wasn’t allowed to see. He snorted._

_“Is this all?” Jean’s scowl deepened, but before he had a chance to respond, Eren pointed to one of the paragraphs. “Just promote Mikasa to Captain, make Armin a Squad Leader, ooh make Sasha one too, and Connie. Assign one of the veteran squads to protect Historia, and honestly just put me in Mikasa’s squad. Everyone knows she’ll argue for it anyway, and it’s the best option- what?”_

_Jean snatched the paper away from the surface of the desk, the edges crinkling slightly in his grasp. “You don’t get to make that decision,” he grumbled._

_“Wait a second,” Eren slowly grinned as an idea dawned on him. “You’re not pissed that I chose a bunch of kick-ass squad leaders before you did, are you?”_

_Eren got his answer when Jean didn’t respond, choosing instead to glower at the paper._

_The brunette sat back into his chair, propping his elbows behind his head, boyish grin in place again. “Oh come on, man, is there really any other option? Mikasa’s the best, and everyone else is incredible, too.”_

_“I know,” Jean sighed, letting the paper fall back to the desk. “It’s just stressful, okay?” He ran his hands over his face slowly, and for the first time that night Eren noticed how truly exhausted the new Commander looked. “I’m in charge of hundreds of soldiers, and these new Squad Leaders are going to be responsible for human lives. If I make a poor choice several people can_ die _-”_

_“Jean.” Eren murmured, leaning forward and running his hand up Jean’s arm to cup the back of his neck, cutting the other man off. “Jean, hey quit it.” The shifter used his free hand to brush his thumb in small circles against Jean’s cheek, waiting until he relaxed to continue, “Erwin wouldn’t have chosen you if he didn’t think you could do this. Death is something we’ve all come to accept in this life, and you have no idea how your choices will play out, but that’s something you have to deal with. You just have to make a choice that you know you can live with the consequences of.” Eren stopped the movement of his thumb, instead interlocking his fingers behind Jean’s head, pulling his face closer. “If you spend your entire time as Commander being afraid of mistakes, you’re never going to accomplish anything.”_

_“But-”_

_Eren shook his head. “Nope. You are incredible, and smart, and amazing, and everyone here believes in you. Plus, we’re all here to help. You think Mikasa, Armin, and the others would let you crash and burn? Nah, Jean, we’re in this together.” He grinned again, “We’ll follow you through all the terrible decisions you’re bound to make.”_

_Jean laughed, a stress-filled bark that was far from his usual one, but it was a milestone for Eren at that moment. “You’re an incredible asshole, Jaeger.”_

_“A handsome asshole.”_

_The taller man shook his head; smile still pulling at his features. “Sure.”_

_Eren tugged on the back of Jean’s head until their foreheads knocked into each other. “You know you love me.”_

_“On a good day.”_

_“Ouch,” Eren murmured, leaning forward to press his lips to Jean’s nose, earning an eye roll from the other man. He pulled away, “Mikasa and Armin are gonna be here soon. They said they wanted to see you before you announced your new Squad Leaders and stuff- mmph!”_

_Jean shoved himself out of his chair, all but tackling Eren back into his, molding their lips together and swallowing the shifter’s surprised gasp. He grasped the sides of Eren’s face, deepening the kiss just as the brunette’s own hands reached to tangle into Jean’s stupid colored hair._

_A loud knock on the door forced the two men apart, gasping and attempting to right themselves in as little time as possible. Eren grinned again while Jean swiftly buttoned his shirt, grumbling, “How the fuck did you even do that so fast?” before shaking a hand through his hair._

_“Come in.”_

_Armin and Mikasa appeared in the doorway after a few seconds, appraising their friends with knowing glances._

_“It’s almost time to assign the promotions, Jean.” Mikasa said, crossing her arms over her chest._

_“You know, Mikasa,” Armin began, doing a very poor job of hiding his amusement. “I read in one of my grandfather’s old books that before the walls, people used to leave socks or hats on their doorknobs to alert people that they were having-”_

_“Armin!” Eren exclaimed, feeling his cheeks heat up. “We weren’t-“_

_Mikasa cut him off, shaking her head with a small smile. “Just be glad it wasn’t one of the new recruits. I don’t think they’re quite ready to see their new Commander in just his boxers and socks.”_

_“That was one time!” Jean cried, pointing a finger at her and grimacing at a light hit to the back of his head from Eren._

_“When’d she see you like that?!”_

_“When you pushed me out of the supply room!”_

_“Okay, okay,” Armin chuckled, raising his hands to end the argument. “Let’s go meet with the rest of the Corps. You can discuss why your sister saw your boyfriend naked afterwards.”_

_“Shut up.” Eren grumbled, pushing himself from his chair and grabbing Jean’s hand to pull him up. Jean adjusted his bolo tie with one hand as they reached Armin and Mikasa._

_He ran a hand through his hair before buttoning the one on his shirt he’d missed earlier. “How do I look?” He asked, and Eren stifled a grin behind his hand. Jean always looked good, not that Eren would ever let him know, but he understood why the taller man was so nervous- it wouldn’t do good to look unprofessional during his first speech as Commander._

_“Like you were about to have sex with my brother,” Mikasa smirked lightly, turning on her heel and leaving Jean to splutter behind her._

_He darted into the hall after her, dragging Eren along. The brunette hooked his arm through Armin’s, and the blonde pulled the door shut behind them. “Wait, Mikasa! Do I really? I can’t look like that in front of these guys! Mikasa!”_

_Eren laughed, throwing his head back while Mikasa merely trudged through the corridors, Jean begging her to help fix his hair or something._

_What he’d said before was true. He, Mikasa, Armin, and everyone else from their old squad, and everyone currently in the Survey Corps, knew Jean was going to make a fantastic Commander, and they’d follow him completely, supporting him no matter what._

_\---_

_There was chaos everywhere Jean looked. No matter which way he turned his head; he saw bodies littering the ground, the blood from their corpses streaking through the grass, Titans stalking towards and picking up numerous victims, soldiers struggling to fight in the completely open field, and Jean wondered where things had gone so wrong._

_He’d spent almost an entire month with Armin and a few other tacticians, running numbers and trying to figure out how long the mission would take, and the estimated survival rate._

_The plan had been simple- follow an old path to a forest, but instead of continuing through the forest like usual, they would change their path and carry on at an angle to what they assumed to be the Titan’s village. They predicted a three-day mission with a high survival rate._

_It wasn’t supposed to end up like this._

_“Jean!” He turned his head to see Mikasa falling with the corpse of a Titan, pulling her hooks from its shoulders as it started to evaporate. “The left flank is almost entirely wiped out! If we get to the other side of the clearing we can refuel and get leverage-”_

_“Ackerman!” The Commander leapt from his horse, digging his hooks into the neck of an aberrant Titan quickly lumbering towards her. Using a small burst of gas, Jean whipped past it’s nape, effectively killing it just before it reached her._

_He landed close to her, already whistling for his horse. “Thanks,” she said, wiping her blades through the grass. “I’ve only got these two, and they’re pretty dull. Jean, we need to get to the trees.” Jean nodded, sheathing his own blades._

_About halfway through the forest, the trees had opened into a clearing. And by the time the Corps was fully in it, Titans had ambushed them. He wasn’t able to tell how many there were, but there was no doubt in his mind that the Titans were there to keep them from getting to the village._

_At the start of the mission, he’d given Eren the authority to shift whenever he felt it necessary, as many times as he needed. At the moment, Jean couldn’t see Eren’s Titan form, but he suspected the brunette wasn’t fighting as a human._

_“Where’s your squad?” The Commander asked suddenly, turning back to face Mikasa._

_She shook her head, returning her blades to their holders. “It doesn’t matter. They’ll survive. But we won’t if we continue to stand in this field.” She looked up at him and he felt the urge to wipe the blood away from her cheeks._

_“Everyone!” Jean shouted, cupping his hands around his mouth and trying to dispel the image of the human blood on Mikasa’s face, “Get to the trees! Now! Retreat to the trees!” Nearby soldiers began relaying his command, moving towards the outskirts of the clearing._

_Jean’s horse galloped back to them, rearing back onto her hind legs. She whined as Jean mounted her saddle, but otherwise looked unharmed. “Captain,” he held his hand out for Mikasa, and she grabbed his forearm, preparing to swing her leg over the horse when a sudden force prompted Jean to drop her._

_“Jean!” She cried, immediately jumping back to her feet._

_It took only a second for the man to understand exactly what it was that wrapped around nearly his entire body- A Titan’s hand._

_“Fuck!” The man exclaimed, trying to move his arms to no avail. Jean couldn’t reach his blades, couldn’t slice his way out of its hand. He vaguely heard Mikasa screaming from the ground, but after turning his head he saw her fighting against at least six other Titans. He would be dead by the time she found an opening._

_It was almost funny- he’d spent so much time worrying about leading his soldiers to their deaths, but now he was not only getting his subordinates killed, but also himself._

_The Titan lifted him closer to its face, eagerly opening its mouth. Jean could see its disgusting teeth, the saliva-like substance coating its tongue and dripping from its teeth, could smell the horrible stench from the cavern of its mouth._

_Even though he knew it was pointless- he could practically feel his ribs breaking beneath the force of the Titan’s grip- Jean still tried to find an opening, tried to maneuver his body in a way to reach his blades, but nothing was working._

_His face was mere centimeters from the Titan’s and he prayed to whatever fucked up deity there was that his soldiers made it to the trees and that Armin could lead them back to the walls without anymore casualties._

_Jean closed his eyes, craning his head back and grimacing against the heat he could already feel from the Titan, but the crunch of his skull between teeth never came._

_Instead, he felt the grip around his torso slacken, the broken bones shifting uncomfortably against each other. “What-?”_

_A distinct, feral roar was all the answer Jean received. He felt his body begin to fall through the air, and he watched as Eren’s Titan form ripped almost the entirety of the regular Titan’s neck out, roaring again after spitting the flesh from his mouth._

_Jean smiled dully. Eren always had impeccable timing._

_He met Eren’s gaze, his own eyes feeling extremely heavy all of a sudden. Eren lunged forward, holding his palms out, but Jean didn’t feel an impact; Eren didn’t catch him._

_So he wouldn’t die in a Titan’s stomach. With that as an alternative, Jean didn’t mind that he would die on impact with the ground._

_Something crashed into his body at what he assumed was the last possible second, softening the landing as they tumbled on the ground. He howled once they came to a stop, his leg bent unnaturally beneath his body and he vaguely wondered if his hand was still connected to his arm. Jean felt hands grasping at his face, pushing his hair back, checking his pulse, trying to assess his injuries._

_“Jean!” It was Mikasa._

_He barely managed to crack his eyes open. The adrenaline from before had worn off, and he could feel only pain ripping through his entire body._

_“I thought,” Jean gasped, gripping his side as a fresh wave of pain overtook his senses His ribs were broken, too. “I ordered a retreat.”_

_Mikasa frowned, and if it were any other situation he was sure she’d punch him. “You’re crazy if you think I was going to leave you to die.” Jean chuckled, falling silent at the glare from the woman currently holding his head in her lap. “Come on, Jean. We need to get you to the trees. Eren can only hold them back for so long.”_

_As soon as she began to move him, the pain that had numbed slightly came back at a higher intensity, causing his vision to blur and a strained gasp to escape his lips._

_“Jean, can you move at all? There are medics- Jean? Jean, don’t close your eyes! Stay with me! Jean!” Her voice was muddled in his head, and as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t say anything more than, “Ere-”_

_He felt Mikasa lift him into her arms, and heard Eren roar once more, a broken distorted noise that sounded suspiciously like a wail, before everything around him faded to black._

 ---

When Eren finally reached the door to the infirmary, he was breathing heavily and nearly shaking. He knew he wasn’t out of shape and that the run from Armin’s office wasn’t that long, but the thought of seeing Jean again, awake and alive, sent his head spinning.

He pushed the door open without hesitating- there was no way he was talking himself out of this one- and found himself face to face with one of the medics.

“Oh, Jaeger.” The medic greeted him, seeming unfazed by their near collision. “Commander Kirschtein is still in the same bed as before, but he’s resting right now. We recently checked his vitals, and his wounds have healed very well. He should be able to walk within the week.”

Eren awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck with a hand, trying to hide the restless bouncing of his leg. “Cool, good. Uh, thanks. Can I…?”

The medic nodded, her blonde hair falling in front of her eyes messily. “Of course. Try to be gentle, though. We don’t need to put him under anymore stress.” Eren scowled. The medic merely smiled at him, stepping around him and closing the door as she left.

“He’s the fucking Commander,” Eren grumbled to himself, trekking through the infirmary towards Jean’s bed. “He’ll always be under stress.”

Eren dragged the chair next to the head of his bed again, sitting down and assessing Jean’s appearance. His bandages looked freshly changed, but they were all still there. His leg was still elevated, and Eren briefly wondered if the medic was lying about walking this week.

The shifter’s eyes trailed back up the other man’s body, rolling his eyes when he saw Jean’s eyes were closed, his breathing as deep and easy as it had been a few nights ago, broken wrist resting on his chest.

“You bastard,” Eren murmured, shaking his head in bitter amusement. “You’re out for a week, and the day you finally wake up, you fall asleep right before I get here? Damn you.”

He leaned back in his chair, throwing his head over the wood and observing the ceiling. Jean was asleep and hurt, but he was alive and no longer comatose. Mikasa and Armin had been right. Having Jean alive was so much better than the alternative; they could get through a few broken bones. Eren chuckled to himself, leaning his head back down; he didn’t know why he ever doubted his friends.

Eren reached forward, grasping Jean’s good hand in his and linking their fingers. “Armin thinks he’s figured out a way to get to the village.” All of this would have to be repeated once Jean was awake, but Eren couldn’t sit in silence any longer.

He spoke about the statistics of the mission, the number of deaths and how the inner city was once again demanding the Survey Corps be shut down. He talked of training and how many of the new recruits had survived the mission, they were terrified and a few had cried on the way back, but they were alive and that was the most important thing.

Eventually, Eren ran out of meaningless numbers to report, and pursed his lips while thinking of something else to fill the space of the room.

“It’s been hard,” he finally whispered. “A whole week without you, man. I was really… afraid that you weren’t going to wake up. I thought I lost you.” Eren paused, taking a deep, shaky breath. “I thought it was my fault. If I had just caught you, then Mikasa wouldn’t have put herself in more danger, and your fall wouldn’t have been as bad.” He raked his free hand down his face, unsurprised to see a few tears littering his palm. “But they helped me through it. Told me you were going to be fine, it wasn’t my fault, it’s better to have you alive and hurt than digested in a Titan’s stomach.” He broke off, grimacing at the image he’d put back in his head.

Eren leaned his head onto their linked hands, taking another breath. He briefly wondered how long he’d been sitting at Jean’s bedside, if he was missing dinner with his friends or a training session, how much longer he could stay with Jean before the medics tried to kick him out. He wanted to be in his current seat when Jean woke, though, and if he had to create another scene in the infirmary, then he just might.

“I love you, Jean,” he whispered against their knuckles. “I don’t know what I would do without you, and there’s no way I’m going to find out. I love you.” Eren heard Jean’s breathing hitch, and he wondered- “Even if you do have an ugly horse face.”

Jean snorted, and Eren knew his earlier assumption was true. “You’re an incredible asshole, Jaeger.” His voice was gruff, thick with exhaustion, and Eren thought he’d never heard a more beautiful sound.

“Bastard,” Eren breathed, but he couldn’t keep from smiling. “When did you wake up?”

“Survival rates.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?

Jean nudged Eren’s cheek with his hand, prompting the brunette to finally raise his head. Jean was grinning before shrugging his non-bandaged shoulder. “And miss your heartfelt monologue? Not in a million years.”

“Maybe I was lying,” Eren tried to play it off halfheartedly, his pulse racing because Jean was awake, he was awake and alive and it was the greatest thing.

“No,” Jean smiled, tugging on Eren’s hand until his face was level with the taller man’s, resting their foreheads together. He placed his free hand on the back of Eren’s neck, ignoring the brunette’s mumbled, “your wrist is broken, idiot,” and smoothing his fingers as best he could over the fine hair with a cast restricting his movements. “You love me.”

Eren smiled, his lips a few centimeter’s from Jean’s. “Yeah,” he whispered. “Yeah, I do.”

“Good.” Jean sighed.

“Y’know, Armin had to fill in for you this week. Some Military Police soldiers suggested Mikasa do it, but she threatened to break their fingers for assuming you were going to die. I don’t know why they just didn’t ask Armin to begin with, you _did_ name him your successor after all-”

“Eren-”

“-Then again, most of them freak the fuck out as soon as something happens. I wonder if this sort of thing happened with the previous Commanders, if they got hurt and everyone immediately assumed the worst. Probably, considering obligations can’t stop and _someone_ has to lead-”

“ _Eren_.” Jean knocked his nose against the brunette’s.

The shifter blinked, pulling back slightly from Jean. “Yeah?”

“Shut the fuck up,” he pulled Eren close to him again, his grin still present. “You’re rambling.”

“Am not.”

“Are you really going to argue?” Jean asked, sounding incredulous. “You were clearly talking about nothing of importance!”

Eren scoffed, grinning despite his attempt to defend himself. “Mikasa’s almost mutilation of fingers is pretty fucking important.”

Jean rolled his eyes. “No, it’s not.”

“I should really get you up to speed with everything you’ve missed,” Eren said slowly, reaching his free hand to hold onto Jean’s wrist. “Armin’s got plans and things need to be smoothed out with the government. The usual.”

“Eren,” Jean groaned, shutting his eyes. “Shut up.” The brunette chuckled quietly before closing the distance between their lips, sighing affectionately at the contact. A week without him had been torturous, and Eren had to remind himself as he deepened the kiss that Jean was still recovering and he probably shouldn’t kiss the other man absolutely senseless; no matter how much he wanted to.

Jean squeezed his hand, and Eren drew back, breathless and dazed and unbelievably happy. The sandy haired man opened his eyes again, his smile as big as ever. “I love you, too, Eren.”

“Good,” Eren laughed.

At Jean’s request, Eren helped to prop him up onto a few pillows, allowing the Commander to sit up for the first time in a week. Eren poured a glass of water from the pitcher on the table next to the bed, holding it to Jean’s lips even when he grumbled that he could do it himself.

After a few more minutes of comfortable silence, Eren took his boyfriend’s hand again, holding his slightly bigger hand between both of his own, running his fingers slowly over the callouses and knuckles. He was still smiling, so incredibly glad that Jean had pulled through and was going to be okay. He’d come to terms with his involvement in Jean’s injuries, but Eren was still sure he wouldn’t have been okay if the injuries had led to his death.

“Come in,” Jean called, rousing Eren from his thoughts. He hadn’t even heard the knock on the door. He looked up just as his two best friends crossed the threshold to the room, smiling softly.

“Hope we’re not interrupting anything,” Armin said, closing the door.

Jean shook his head, but squeezed Eren’s hand again. “No, just about to talk about the results of the mission.”

Mikasa scoffed. “That can wait,” she said, quietly thanking Armin for the chair he dragged to her. “Are you feeling okay?”

“Yes. Thank you for getting me out of that clearing.”

She smiled sadly, a small pull of the corner of her lips. “Of course, Jean. Do you need anything?”

He shook his head taking her hand with his bandaged one from where it rested on his bed, ignoring her protest. “I’m okay.”

“The King isn’t happy about the result of the mission,” Mikasa shot the blonde a livid look and he immediately switched directions, “But he will be glad to hear you’re on your way to making a full recovery.” Jean’s expression darkened briefly. They would all be under fire soon enough for how poorly the mission had gone. Sensing the shift in the mood, Armin leaned back in his chair, throwing one arm over the back of Mikasa’s. “In lieu of Jean’s recovery I think now’s a pretty good time to make this announcement.”

“What are you talking about?” Eren asked; quirking an eyebrow and looking from Mikasa to Jean, foolishly hoping the Commander would have the answer. Jean only shrugged in reply.

Mikasa smiled, scooting her chair closer to Armin’s, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear and mumbling something.

Eren rolled his eyes, reaching across Jean’s bed to lightly nudge her shoulder. “What was that, Mika?”

She sighed. “We’re getting married.”

A beat of silence and then, “Wait, really?” Eren blurted without thinking, glancing back over at Jean, who was looking between Armin and Mikasa, his mouth hanging open in surprise.

Armin laughed quietly, running a hand nervously through his hair before dropping it to lace his fingers with Mikasa’s. “Yeah, Eren. We’ve been talking and figured a ceremony to make it official wouldn’t hurt.” He leaned forward, affectionately pushing Eren’s mouth back together.

Jean finally spoke, a bright smile lighting his features. “That’s amazing you guys. But, ah, we didn’t even know you were together.”

“That’s because we didn’t tell anyone,” Mikasa answered. “You two understand how difficult a relationship is in our line of work.” Eren’s gaze flickered towards Jean, and the brunette was unsurprised to see Jean already looking his way. “We didn’t say anything because we didn’t want unnecessary comments if the worst were to happen.”

Armin squeezed her hand gently, the tension releasing from Mikasa’s shoulders slowly and Eren wondered how he didn’t see it before. He’d known the two of them for almost his entire life, and yet he didn’t see their relationship. Then again, all of their time spent together in the military, the late night meetings as Captain and Tactician. Now that he thought about it, his two friends had been inseparable since they met, and a relationship between them didn’t seem so surprising.

“Mikasa… Armin…” Eren shook his head, grinning. They understood everything he wanted to say. “How long have you guys been together?”

Armin glanced towards Mikasa, who shrugged lightly. “A few years,” she answered.

“Four this upcoming fall.”

Mikasa laughed, nudging his shoulder with her own. “I can’t believe you remember that.”

The blonde chuckled, leaning forward to press his lips softly against Mikasa’s cheek. “I remember everything about you.” She grumbled, a blush coloring her features as she shoved him away, no hint of malice behind the action.

Eren glanced back at Jean, who was focused on the lovers with a small smile. “When were you planning on having the ceremony?” Jean asked. Eren was suddenly hyperaware of the other man’s fingers linked between his, of the tender smile gracing his lips, the barely-there blush and longing look, and it gave Eren an idea.

Mikasa shrugged again, “We never really decided on a date. But soon after you can walk again, Jean, we’ll do it.”

Jean laughed. “The medic said I should be walking again this week.”

“The end of the week, then.” Armin suggested, and Mikasa nodded, making it official.

When the sun finally dropped away from the window, Mikasa and Armin promised to visit Jean again the next day and actually discuss the details of the mission and what the inner city was going to do. He promised the night of their wedding off, and a new room together if they wanted.

Before the door shut behind his friends, Eren was out of his seat, pulling the discarded blanket back over Jean’s body and checking his bandages again. He fussed for only a few minutes until he noticed the Commander’s eyes drooping, his breathing slowing down, and he decided he had to go for the night.

Eren leaned back over the bed to plant a kiss to Jean’s temple, whispering that he’d be back in the morning, but when he turned to leave a hand on his wrist kept him in place.

“Stay,” Jean groaned, voice already thickening with sleep.

“Jean,” Eren frowned. “You’re falling asleep, man, I don’t want to keep you up anymore.”

The sandy haired man snorted, tugging on Eren’s wrist until he lost his balance and fell onto the side of the bed, immediately shifting his position to avoid hurting Jean. “No, idiot,” Jean slurred; nudging his arm under Eren’s head as the brunette lightly threw his over Jean’s chest. “Stay here.”

“Yeah,” Eren chuckled, burrowing his nose against the other man’s neck. “Yeah, okay.”

“I love you, Eren,” Jean yawned.

Eren grinned. Tomorrow they would deal with medics and statistics and idiotic Military Police, but for now they were together, and they were alive and breathing and _happy_ , and Eren couldn’t ask for anything else.

“I love you, too, Jean.”

 ---

The ceremony was small and held outside the Survey Corps headquarters a little after lunch. There were no officials or “pastors,” as Armin had called them, only the old squad, gathered around a large tree.

Jean had barely managed to convince the medics to allow him to walk the day before, even going so far as to pull rank against them to ensure his appearance. He had to use a cane and sometimes leaned heavily on whoever was around him, but no one seemed to mind.

Armin stood in front of the tree, nervously playing with the little bowtie Connie had insisted he wear, and smoothing his hands down the folds of his old suit jacket. Jean stood next to him, clapping the blonde on the shoulder when he started to fidget _again_.

“Relax,” Jean breathed, squeezing his shoulder before dropping his hand back to his side. Armin nodded, and the taller man groaned when Armin started picking at his cuffs again.

Connie, Sasha, and Historia stood a little ways away from the tree, forming a makeshift aisle as Mikasa and Eren came into view. Historia had surprised them all when she’d sent word saying she could attend the wedding, they’d figured she’d be too busy governing humanity, but she had arrived the night before and given Mikasa a white silk dress to wear that day. After convincing her to wear it, Historia had disappeared with Eren to get Mikasa to try it on. Afterwards, Eren had met Jean back in the infirmary, but he was especially quiet. When Jean had asked if he was okay, Eren merely shook his head, a fond smile lighting his features as he whispered, “She looked so happy, Jean.”

Mikasa had her arm looped through Eren’s as they walked to the tree, and it looked like he was whispering to her, grinning and gesturing excitedly, her head shaking slowly at whatever he’d said. They passed through the small aisle before Eren placed her hand in Armin’s and then took his spot next to her. According to Armin’s old books, it wasn’t traditional, but they had never been a traditional family to begin with.

Armin began with his vows, speaking of how he’d always admired Mikasa’s strength, devotion, and intuition, and how he couldn’t be happier that his childhood love had grown, developed, and stuck.

Mikasa’s vows were quieter. She spoke of how glad she was to extend her family again, even though he’d been a part of it from the day they’d met, how she would protect him with all the power she possessed, and how much she loved him.

Just before they were to kiss, Armin pulled a small ring from his pocket, and Jean couldn’t hold back his laugh at the shocked look that flitted across Mikasa’s face. She slapped his shoulder lightly, but her protests were weak as the blonde slipped the ring onto her finger. It was a plain, silver band littered with a few jewels, but it was beautiful, and suited the dark haired woman perfectly.

“How did you…?”

Armin shrugged, smiling broadly. “I never had a reason to spend my pay before. I got it during our last meeting in Wall Sina, when I had plans of a fancy proposal, and before you brought it up on your own.”

Mikasa laughed, a few tears slipping down her cheeks as she examined the ring. “Thank you,” she whispered. She slid her hand over his chest to the back of his neck, pulling him down for the kiss that would officially end their makeshift ceremony. Sasha hollered enthusiastically, throwing an arm around Connie’s shoulder as everyone clapped.

As the couple began their walk to where the group would spend the afternoon, a small table and a couple benches, Eren closed the distance between Jean and himself, taking Jean’s good hand in his own.

Sasha, Connie, and Historia followed them to the table, where a few foods had been laid out. Jean watched as Mikasa laid her head on Armin’s shoulder and he kissed her temple sweetly, the same feeling tugging at his heart as the night when they’d announced their engagement. Eren seemed to sense it now, because he squeezed Jean’s hand and leaned up to kiss him full on the mouth before all but dragging him over to the tables, where they joined in the merriment that lasted hours into the night.

 ---

“What’s wrong?” Jean asked suddenly, placing his documents onto his desk with more force than necessary.

The meeting with the Military Police had ended only a few hours ago, and although it had only been two weeks since Jean regained consciousness, they were back to work, planning for another mission, another attempt to get to the Titan’s village. Armin was pushing for a small, elite team, and Jean had admitted earlier that the idea was starting to sound pretty good.

Now, the two men sat in Jean’s office, Eren staring at the wall above one of the windows, brows furrowed and lips pressed harshly together. At first Jean had appreciated the silence because usually this time spent together was filled with Eren’s teasing, or arguments, or talks about battle strategies, or even Eren’s hand down Jean’s pants. But the quiet had dragged on, and Jean couldn’t help but worry.

Eren startled, his legs dropping from the wood of the desk to the floor. His eyes snapped over to Jean’s immediately, his mouth opening and closing uselessly.

“Well?” Jean prompted, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms, trying not to sound too annoyed.

Eren scrunched his face for a moment before letting out a breath. “Do you ever regret it?”

“Regret what?”

“Us,” Eren murmured, flicking his gaze back to the window and surprising Jean. “We never used to get along, and I almost got you killed, and man you could probably do so much better than a Titan shifter who can barely control their abilities-”

“Eren,” Jean cut him off, running a hand through his hair absentmindedly. “Of course not. You’re an asshole who distracts me from my work with his mouth way too often, but I could never want anyone but you.”

Eren perked up, his goofy grin slowly replacing the frown on his lips. “Yeah?”

He rolled his eyes, chuckling softly. “Yeah. Now come here, idiot.”

The brunette didn’t need to be told twice as he launched himself from his seat and into Jean’s lap, wrapping his arms around the taller man’s shoulders and kissing him fiercely. Jean chuckled, gripping the shirt at Eren’s back tightly and angling his mouth under Eren’s.

Eren suddenly pulled back, fixing Jean with a stare that left him breathless, (or was that from the kiss?) He didn’t have time to think about it because Eren’s next words knocked out any air that had made its way back into his lungs:

“Marry me.”

Jean was about to protest, they were both busy, they hadn’t dated for that long, anything could happen to them, but his reasons never made it further than his thoughts because what was stopping them? He remembered the way he’d felt when Mikasa and Armin admitted their relationship, when he’d watched them exchange vows during a quaint ceremony, the tugging in his heart, the way he saw himself and Eren in their places one day. They loved each other, and though that was more than enough, maybe making it as unofficially official as their friends had wouldn’t hurt.

“Yeah,” Jean said again, feeling breathless andlooking up at his boyfriend. “Yeah, I’ll marry you.”

“Good,” Eren laughed, kissing him again, and Jean briefly wondered if he’d really had a choice in the matter.

The door to Jean’s office swung open, loudly knocking against the wall. Jean cursed, shoving Eren into an undignified pile on the floor, and looking towards the intruder. Mikasa was smirking in his doorway.

“Strategy meeting,” She reminded him. “Make sure you guys look presentable.”

Jean reached a hand down towards Eren once she had gone, tugging him out of the office while he grumbled something about never getting any privacy.

“When should we do it?” Jean asked, interrupting the other man’s rant as they neared the designated hallway.

Eren readjusted Jean’s bolo tie, pulling him down to his level. “Soon,” he emphasized, eluding to the reality every soldier knew well. “Maybe after the next expedition.”

“Soon,” Jean agreed, nodding. He kissed Eren again before they entered the strategy meeting, taking their places between Armin and Mikasa, and facing the rest of the Squad Leaders and Tacticians as they discussed the future mission. Eren kept his hand locked around Jean’s the entire time, and Jean could only grin, his mind torn between planning for the expedition and planning his future with Eren.

\-----

_fin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my first time writing for jeaneren so I hope it worked out well. Thank you to everyone who read, reviewed, and left kudos!!


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